Filmy at 1600: Al Roker Sharts His Pants at the White House

image

Did you really think I was gonna let this one slide?  How could I let this opportunity...pass...without adding my two cents worth about something that is such a gas, gas, gas?

We've all heard the story by now about Al Roker's fateful trek to the White House press room that resulted in a detour to the little boys' room and a wadded up pair of soiled Jockey's.  

Jumpin' Al Flash to the can. 

In his NY Times bestseller, Al claims altruism in this thoroughly humiliating recounting of public bodily dysfunction.  He wants the world to be aware of the side effects of gastric bypass surgery.  

Thanks Al.  You are a true humanitarian, flatu-genarian, as it were.  Also, you know how to sell books, Dude.  This morning one of the Today Show guests congratulated him on his new publication, asserting that she enjoyed each and every page.  Yeah.  Especially that page.  Al just looked at his shoes and offered a quick thanks as he sped towards the segment faster than he sped to the stalls at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.  

I hear the book release party was terrific!  Brooke Shields was there.  She reminded Al that nothing comes between her and her Calvin Kleins.  He winked and said only one thing comes between him and his and that it's running down his leg.  

People are calling him brave.  C'mon now.  Who needs to leak this much...personal information?  You can warn us that if we have the surgery, we might shit our pants without divulging that you've done it yourself...at the White House.  And by the way...how much do you love the irony that it was the "White" house?  The mind goes immediately to those once tidy whities, now a very earthy, crunchy tone.  Less crunch, more goo.  Sorry.  Were you eating your oatmeal?

My favorite is the in-depth interview with the Today Show's resident medical guru Dr. Nancy Snyderman, in which he refers to the oopsie as "a little something extra".  Dr. SNIDE-erman is a hard hitting reporter, so she insisted upon clarification.  

Dr. Nancy: "You pooped your pants."

Al: "I pooped my pants."

I don't care how much journalistic juice you've got going for you or how credible you may be, there is no possible way to look into a camera lens and authoritatively state that you've fouled your Fruit of the Looms without looking like an epic goof ball.

Al's book has now gone from an informative look at the option of gastric bypass surgery for the overweight individual to the "Al Roker Shit His Pants Book".  As in..."Blah, blah, blah...gastric bypass...blah, blah, blah...poop." 

Well Al...I've got to hand it to you.  Really.  You're one fearless MotherRoker.  No shit.